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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Not a Good Place to Find Yourself

I think my cat’s plotting on me. He’s been lying just outside the door of whatever room I am in, so every time I walk out of the room I trip and nearly break my neck. And even though he does this several times a day I still cannot, for the life of me, remember that he’ll be there, just outside the door waiting to kill me.
He also loves climbing up on the headboard of the bed when I am totally, 100% in happy dreamland and them kitty-bopping with his paw right in the face. Not a fun way to be woken up. Especially with him looking down on me with an expression on his face that says "You are at my will, lady. I could claw you face off.....if I wanted to. That was just a test run. Keeping you on your toes. But remember....I can if I want to."
I noticed he wasn’t in the house, so I went out on the front porch and called him. I was a little surprised that he wasn’t right there, so I walked out a bit, onto the drive to call for him and got the creepy feeling that I was being watched. I looked out onto the lawn, scanning back and forth until I saw two little pointed ears sticking out of the grass. Calvin was lying as flat as possible on the yard and just his little ears were sticking up out of the grass. I laughed at him, goofy little cat and walked out there to him, crouching down to talk to him. He was still lying flat as a pancake in the grass, his big eyes looking at me and a moment of panic hit me “Oh my gosh, he’s been hit by a car!” I thought. So I started to talk to him “Hey, buddy, it’s mommy, you okay?” And THAT’S when I heard it. A low growl, just behind me, and I realized that I had just strolled into the middle of a looming cat fight. CRAP! I turned around to see another set of glowing eyes. Tom, the tomcat that we had fed for quite a while when we first moved in was right behind me. His hair was standing up and he was pissed! Awesome!
I did the only thing that I thought would work, I ran around in circles, flapping my arms and yelled “Get! Get outta here! Go on! Get outta here!” Was it a success? Absolutely not. While I was running around screaming and flapping my arms the cats decided to rumble. Ok, maybe "rumble" isn't the right word. Tom would charge Calvin and Calvin would back away, then Calvin would charge Tom and Tom would back away. There was lots of hissing and yowling and hair standing on end.  I finally got them to cut it out, got Tom chased into the neighbor’s yard and got Calvin cornered so that I could pick him up and get him inside.
Now he’s on my list, and it’s not a good list to be on. He’s not allowed to go outside, so he lies on his kitty perch all day and stares at me. Correction: GLARES at me.
Yes, zombie eyes! And he glares at me All. Day. Long.