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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Insomnia hits again, this time it’s all thanks to grammar.

I was exhausted by the time I headed to bed last night. I hadn’t slept much the night before and with the kids on Spring Break and yesterday being KK’s birthday there was no time to slow down. Plus The Hub’s cousin is in town for training and we hadn’t seen him in FOREVER, they grew up very close, and C thinks of him as a brother. So we took him out for a bite to eat and to catch up – well, as much as we could with the three gremlins accosting him, seriously, I was wondering when they were gonna ask for his autograph.
Before heading to bed I perused Facebook and remembered something that I had seen from a fellow blogger that cracked me up. She had it up on her Facebook page, but since I had seen it on my iPhone I couldn’t click “share”, so I hunted it down to I could share it. (Seriously go check her out at her blog Insane In The Mom-Brain)
This is it:

So as I’m drifting off to sleep that image floats through my mind and I chuckled a bit to myself, and then deep in the recesses of my mind I heard tires screeching on concrete and my inner voice scream “What is THAT???”
I tried to reason with myself, “Oh, it’s nothing, nothing at all. Nighty-night!”
But I was having none of that.  “I am a unicorn? I am a unicorn? I am A unicorn?”
I sighed to myself; obviously I was up on my grammar high horse.
Unicorn starts with a vowel. Shouldn’t that be ‘an’?

Let’s think about it:
I am an apple.
I am an ostrich.
I am an elephant (shut up!).
I am an unicorn. Nope it doesn’t work there.

Well, crap on a cracker, there goes my sleep. What’s up with this unicorn and why doesn’t it own it’s ‘an’, what’s it’s problem anyway?

Maybe it’s just the u’s that don’t use an, but I don’t remember that rule. Hmmm, let’s try it:
An umpire.
An umbrella.
An urchin.
An unicorn……. Uuuuuuggggghhhh!

Maybe it’s because of the ‘n’ right after the ‘u’, yea that must be it.
Let’s see here:
I have an uncle…..  Crap, that sounds perfectly normal.

Can someone please explain to me why this unicorn will not take it’s grammatical responsibilities so I can get some sleep?

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

This is why I am a helicopter mom, forever hovering over my kids. Parents are raising hoodlums and turning them loose on our children.

With my husband coaching my son’s little league team we are at the ballpark a lot. And the ballpark is beautiful, you can tell it is well cared for. They even have a play park there for the kids, even though it is a little tucked away from view. In the back of my mind I have always been nervous about my kids playing on the play park while I watched Jon play ball, but a serious incident has never happened …… until last night.

The parents and I were all watching a scrimmage last night when I heard my oldest daughters cries from a ways away. My eyes scanned in the direction of the playground and I saw her running to me, frantic and crying. She was shaking and upset.  It took some time to calm her down, I thought maybe she had fallen or bumped her head, so I wasn’t pressing her too much for details. I just sat her next to me and put my arm around her.

I now wish I had gotten the information from her sooner so I could have gone to play ground right after she came to me and found the kids that tormented her.
No, torment is too nice of a word. What happened to her is flat out terrifying, especially for a 10 year old. A group of 5 or 6 boys cornered her when she was walking on the back side of one of the fields near the playground, they surrounded her and started grabbing at her and making lewd comments. They took turns grabbing at her chest and bottom, calling out sexual innuendos (yes, to my 10 year little girl) and terrifying her. She said they were laughing but mad at the same time, which she said she didn’t understand. If you are an adult, you know these kids were serious in terrifying her, you know this laughing/mad attitude.  She was able to break free and ran for me.

My guess is when they saw her running for adults they took off. Cowards, punks, thugs.  I have other names for these miscreants, but I am trying to turn my anger and my pain to the Lord, asking him for guidance. I would love to take her to the ballpark every day this week and walk Hannah around and see if she can point these punks out, I would love to take out my anger on them vigilante-like. But I won’t.

After Hannah went to bed last night I climbed in next to her and just held her, trying to hold on to her innocence that the world seems bent on stealing from her. I whispered promised to keep her safe, I apologized for not being there with her to make sure things like that didn’t happen, and I told her how very much I love her. And most of all I told her that it wasn’t her fault.

My beautiful Hannah
You make me laugh!

You amaze me!
You are my beautiful Hannah!

Don't let the bad apples of the world steal your smile!

Friday, March 23, 2012

An open letter to my cat.

Dearest Calvin,
You are a jerk. Seriously.
You sat there yesterday watching while I used up every last inch of wrapping paper, EVERY LAST INCH!!! You watched me wrap that impossibly large doll house, you heard me talking to myself, wondering if I would get it all covered. You yawned like my task was utterly boring to you. You batted at the empty wrapping paper core, then licked your rear end.
You sat proudly atop that huge wrapped present when the kids came screaming through the door as if to say "Tah-dah!!! Look what I have for you!" Oh, what a cute kitty you were.
You heard me tell Kimmie "Those presents are for your party on Saturday, sweetie."
And you plotted.
Admit it.
I know you did, because when I got up this morning I came into the living room to find the side of that big wrapped present ripped to shreds and you laying oh-so-innocently next to it.

So I did the only thing I could - I grabbed packing tape and attempted to piece the paper back together before my little girl saw the damage:

You are banished to outside until further notice. AND I will NOT get you any gooshies. 


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Am I really this old?

The kids and I were in the car the other day and we were enjoying listening to the radio, singing loudly, and let the wind blow crazy with the windows down. As we turned onto the Interstate KK said "Can you turn it up?" I thought she meant the radio, so I cranked it even louder. That was not what she meant, the following is our conversation.
KK: No momma, turn it up.
Me: (bewildered) Turn what up?
KK: Turn the windows up!
Me: Oh, okay (hitting the button to roll the windows up), Ya know, it's called ROLL the windows up.
KK: Why? All you do is turn the button to 'up' and the window goes up.
Hmmm, she's got me there.
Me: Well, back when I was a kiddo the cars didn't have these electrical switches that made the windows go up.
KK: WHAT????
Me: Yep, we had cranks and we had to 'roll' the window up. (I gave her a demonstration like the good old days with my imaginary knob .... or whatever it's called, geez that was a long ago.)
She sat there with a horrified look on her face.
KK: Ooooh, momma, I'm so sorry. That was horrible. Your childhood was really, really bad.

Wow, kids these days have it made.

Monday, March 19, 2012

I love days like this……

Sunday was a beautiful day, absolutely gorgeous. What better way to spend a day like this than headed to the beach with my three kiddos? There is none.
We headed out to Biloxi Beach at 9:45 a.m. at exactly 9:51 KK’s little voice sounds from the backseat “Are we almost there?”
The beach is an hour away. Luckily Hannah had brought along one of her magazines (Teen Bop or something like that) with her so they opened the magazine and were soon deep in conversation about teen singers and actors.
The beach was awesome. There was a nice breeze and it wasn’t smoldering hot. Biloxi has lots of sandbars, so you can walk way out there and not get any deeper than your calves or knees. So it’s great for the kids. And it's pretty clean as well, so big bonus there!
Jon immediately started collecting hermit crabs, which were a huge success for other beach-goers who flocked to Jon. Whole families were gathered around him as he showed them the hermit crabs, even helping some of them in finding them (he did not bring any crabs home this time – I drew the line.).
We even made sand castles, well maybe not castles, more like "huts", but it was fun.
We got caught some rays:

When we had had our fill of sun and sand we changed clothes and hit the souvenir shops on the boardwalk. There are two that we always go to. We loaded up on goofy trinkets like we were tourists, laughing and giggling and having fun.
On our way out of Biloxi we spotted a parade just starting. I don’t think I have ever parked my vehicle so fast in my life. It was packed! There were so many people that it was a little scary for KK, but I told her to just hold onto my shirt and we’d be fine. Every float was throwing out goodies. Mostly beads, but some were throwing out other things like stuffed animals, tootsie rolls, footballs, even big heads of cabbage. The Banana Boat float was handing out Tanning Lotion! Everyone was screaming for beads, it was a little hectic and I thought we wouldn’t get any at all, then I told the kids “Say please!” Instant success. Everytime they yelled out “PLEASE!” they would get something.

We left with a lot of goodies. I even got some tanning oil, woohoo!!!
But the best part of it all was seeing the smiles on their faces as we got back in the car and hearing them talk about it. Right at that moment I was the greatest mom in the world!

Jon's crawfish necklace!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Pop quiz for everyone!!!

Quick: tell me the difference between the following photos:

Anyone? Anyone at all????

The first photo is of a lifelong dream being accomplished, it is in fact a dick-tater.
However, in the second photo the subject still needs to do a little more work on becoming a dictator, but hey, he's on his way!!!!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Question of the day, and this just hit me, seriously!

I open this door every day, seriously – every…..single….day. And then today it hit me:

Is it coincidence that these:

fit so neatly in the door, ready available? I THINK NOT!!!!

My life just got a wee bit simpler! No reaching up and bending down, folks right here is the epitome of lazy! In my defense I get these for snacks for the kids to take to school, some days I let them stay after school (they provide after school care up until 5:30 or 6:00, I'm not sure as I always pick them up by 4:30 or 5:00) since we live in the country and the kids don't really get any playtime in with their friends. But it's nice to have a snack after school, and when they take one of these they always share them with their friends. So not only am I being an awesome parent for ensuring that my kids have a snack, I am also instilling great behavior in my kids by teaching them to share (big grin here).  Usually the kids will hem and haw about what to take, since this stuff is in a bag that I've thrown in there, and I usually have to get it out for them. Seriously, it's easier to just get it since I know if they are left up to their own demise they will dump half the goodies on the ground and leave them there. So now, tahdah!!! It's right there, not too high up and not too low that they don't see it. Plus, they always know to ask permission, so it's not like I'm contributing to their unhealthy eating. Okay, maybe I am .... just a little bit.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Mother of the Year right here, folks. Mother….. Of the…….. YEAR!!!!

None of the kids wanted to get out of bed this morning. I can’t blame them. I didn’t want to either. But school and certain laws legislate that they go. So I finally got them up one by one – hey, with The Hubs gone they clearly outnumber me now, and I’m pretty sure they know it.
So Jon is the first to the table. “Watcha want for breakfast, big man? Oh, and just so ya know, since you didn’t get up on time don’t put in a request for a big meal, mmmmkay?”
“Okay, I’ll have bacon, eggs and pancakes.” I can tell by the look in his still-sleepy eyes that he is dead serious.
“Let’s try that again, okay pal?”
He repeats his order, only now with more enthusiasm, awesome – his appetite is in full swing!
“Look, you got up late, I don’t have time to make all that. You have to take off the bacon, maybe even the eggs.”
This does not sit well with The Boy. “What?  That’s not fair!”
Yea, tell me about it pal. “Look, there will come a daaaaayyyyy….” Wait a minute I know a song that says those exact words. What is that song? Who sang it? Hmmmm, it must be a good lesson-type song. I should definitely sing it to The Boy!
I clear my throat and sing with all my heart, “There will come a day, when youth will pass awaaaaaay,” (inner monolog: Ah hah! It’s coming back to me! How does the rest of the song go? Who the heck sings it??? Oh well, keep singing-it has to be an awesome lesson song!)Doobidiiiidooop! What will they say about me?” (inner monolog: Oh yea, I’ve got this. Now to just remember the words. WHO THE HECK SANG THIS SONG????)When the end comes I know, I was just a ggggggggggggg……..OOOOOOHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”
HOLY CRAP! I’ve just song Just A Gigolo to my son!!!!! No No No No No No!!!!! There is a special place in hell for mothers like me!
I stare at The Boy, who is in turn staring at me “What mom, you were just a what?”
I was just a joke. And life goes on without me!” I smile way too big.
“That makes no sense.”
I shrug just going with it, “Yea, well, life doesn’t make sense. So there you have it!” And then I turned around and made bacon, eggs and pancakes.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I try to not slam my kids’ school, but seriously???

Monday was picture day. The school had sent home the forms a couple weeks ago, but of course I lost them. So I ran into the office on Friday and spoke with the school secretary and told her “I definitely am having the kids’ pics taken.”
Not “I may get them taken.” Not “I’m still thinking about it.” Not “I’m kinda wishy washy about this. So we’ll just see.” No, I said I was definitely getting them taken. So what happened on Monday just blew my mind.
I picked up the kids and asked Jon “How’d it go with your pictures?” Now I asked Jon because the last time he had his pictures taken at school it looked like he was being held captive by the Taliban. Crazy terrified.  He then informed me that he didn’t get his picture taken. I asked why and he said he didn’t know.
So I went to talk to his teacher.
Me: What’s up with Jon not getting his picture taken?
Teacher: I don’t know what happened. Ms ***** didn’t call him out to get his picture taken. (by the way, her name is withheld to protect the lame-brained!)
Me: But he was supposed to get his picture taken!
Teacher: When I talked to Ms Byrd and she said Hannah had her picture taken I was shocked. I was wondering why Jon didn’t get picture taken when his sister had hers taken.
Me: I filled out all the paperwork.
Teacher: I don’t understand it then.
Me: It’s still right there in his backpack.
Teacher: It’s in his backpack?
Me: Yes!
Teacher: Well that explains it; Jon should have taken care of that paperwork. I mean, I can’t go through all of the 2nd Graders backpacks.
Me: (absolutely dumbfounded right now) Seriously?
Teacher: Yes! I don’t have that kind of time.
Me: Riiiiiiight. Because going through 3 backpacks would have taken forever. This is ridiculous.

I mean, there are literally 3 kids in 2nd grade. Really? No time?
This just pisses me off. Also, the school secretary is the one who pulled each kid out of class to have their pic taken. I told her I wanted their pictures taken. You would have thought a bell would have gone off in her head. Especially when she pulled Hannah out for pictures, maybe something would have triggered in her wee brain that said “Wait, maybe something is amiss! Maybe Jon’s paperwork was overlooked! Maybe I should go check this out!”

Thursday, March 1, 2012

This isn’t good…..

After I wrote my blog posting yesterday I got the dreaded call from school that KK was sick. Really? She had to come home from school early on Monday (sick) and I kept her home on Tuesday just to be on the safe side. But she was fine when I sent her to school that morning. So I got to school and KK was sitting there looking pathetic as ever. I hugged her, signed her out and came home where she immediately asked for a pallet to be made in the living room floor and requested to watch Dolphin Tale.

Let me tell you that KK will vomit over anything. I mean, she can’t even go into most public restrooms without gagging or vomiting. She can’t see a booger without vomiting (which The Boy tortures her with many times).  So after a bit she was feeling fine – turns out that one of the boys in the class has a runny nose, and he’d let the snot run down and then he’d lick it off his top lip. So this grossed KK out so bad that she gagged and vomited. Poor kid.

So she’s running back and forth from the living room to the kitchen where I am making some more necklaces to go with their scrabble tile pendants (yes, I know I promised pics and I will get them posted!!!), she’s informing me about what is taking place in the movie, even though I have seen it (great movie by the way). When she’s headed back into the living room she stopped short and said “Hey, what’s my baby doll doing in the corner?”

GOOSE BUMPS ARE BACK!!!!!!!                                                               

Me: Didn’t you put her there?

KK: No, I put her on my bed with all my other stuffed animals.

Me: Really?

KK: Yes!

So I got up and went to her room, and I now I really wish I hadn’t. KK followed me in there.

This is what we found:

KK: See, momma, I put her right there in the middle, in front of Monkey and between Happy Feet and Lotso and Cry Baby (Cry Baby is the little baby doll, when I asked her why she named it that since the baby doesn’t cry she told me that the baby told her that was its name. Yea, not so ‘cute’ anymore.). Right here momma.

And she patted the empty spot right next to Happy Feet.

When I picked up the older kids I asked them about the doll. Both vehemently denied touching ‘that weird doll’.