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Friday, March 23, 2012

An open letter to my cat.

Dearest Calvin,
You are a jerk. Seriously.
You sat there yesterday watching while I used up every last inch of wrapping paper, EVERY LAST INCH!!! You watched me wrap that impossibly large doll house, you heard me talking to myself, wondering if I would get it all covered. You yawned like my task was utterly boring to you. You batted at the empty wrapping paper core, then licked your rear end.
You sat proudly atop that huge wrapped present when the kids came screaming through the door as if to say "Tah-dah!!! Look what I have for you!" Oh, what a cute kitty you were.
You heard me tell Kimmie "Those presents are for your party on Saturday, sweetie."
And you plotted.
Admit it.
I know you did, because when I got up this morning I came into the living room to find the side of that big wrapped present ripped to shreds and you laying oh-so-innocently next to it.

So I did the only thing I could - I grabbed packing tape and attempted to piece the paper back together before my little girl saw the damage:

You are banished to outside until further notice. AND I will NOT get you any gooshies.