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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Legoland, seriously- this place rocked.

First off, let me just say when we went I was sick as a dog.
I spent the first 2 hours just looking for a safe placing to vomit. Seriously. I mean, I was glancing this way and that way and thinking "Oh, there's a nice bush that I can puke into. I wonder how many people will notice?"
It was horrible.
My mom was awesome, she always is.
And Legoland is overwhelming. It really is. There is so much to see that one day just isn't enough and I felt really, really bad that I was sick and missing out on it.
I mean just look:

That's the Statue of Liberty right there, folks. Made entirely of legos. And I'm pretty sure if you vomit on lego-liberty you go straight to jail. I wasn't chancing it.

You see this beauty? Bok Tower in all it's glory! Lego-Bok!!!! For everyone not from Lake Wales, Bok Tower is like the Statue of Liberty of the South. It's not your fault that you aren't as awesome as us, and we'll try to overlook the fact that we have an awesome singing tower and you don't.  Notice the teeny-tiny people in the background in comparison to these huge lego-made buildings, it's really amazing.

Okay, now only all the Star Wars stuff:

In that last one, I'm pretty sure that KK thought she was posing with Gene Simmons, I mean- just look at her.

They even had a safari:

 After we saw some of the lego exhibits the kids wanted to go to the water park, so we let them play on the water-slides and wave pool, I found a nice table by the snack bar, put my head on the nice cold table and while my mom watched the kiddos I took myself a nap. When I woke up I was fine. My migraine was gone, my nausea was gone, it was a miracle.
So game-on.
For the rest of day the kids and I rode the rides (and they have some crazy roller coasters and we rode them all), played games, got our faces painted, and had a ball.

All in all it was a blast. Legoland was definitely a MUST-GO-SEE!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

It's been forever, I'm sorry.

I haven't written, you've missed me I can tell.
I've been enjoying summer. My kids and I are living it up. You can't fault me for that.
There's a lot to catch up on.
But not now.
Later. I promise.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I have a comedian on my hands.

After I picked the kids up from school yesterday we had to run some errands. Loads of fun. I always kick myself and swear I am NEV-UH (said with a heavy southern drawl) dragging them along with me again. But then my A.D.D. kicks in and .... oh look, something shiny! *Gasp* And look at that lady walking that itty, bitty dog!
So there we were at TJMaxx, all three kids, ...... and can I just interject something here - there is something about that store that puts that crazy in my kids. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the sheer plethora of items they have, it's not like other stores. You never know what you'll find. It's like a treasure hunt.
We had found some good stuff on this trip, and The Boy was already in a particularly good mood anyway. We got to the checkout and the kiddos sat down on the little bench there at the front while the cashier rang up our finds.
Cashier: You have a beautiful family.
Me: Thank you ve- (I didn't get to finish because The Boy interrupts)
The Boy: We're nothing but trouble!
Cashier: *giggles* He's so cute.
Me: Yea, you have no idea.

She continues ringing us up as The Boy strolls over.
The Boy: Look, I'm not going to blame you that you didn't recognize us..... (leans in close and whispers) We're in disguise!

Kill me now! After that she just eyed us suspiciously, like she was wondering "Are they celebrities, or mass murderers?"

I really like TJMaxx, it's a shame I can't go back there.

Monday, April 8, 2013

There's No Arguing With That Kind of Logic

Jon woke up this morning with a perfectly round blue ink imprint on his cheek and on the back of his hand. When he stumbled to the table for breakfast I asked him about it.
Me: What’s with the tattoo?
Him:  Hhhmmmppphhhh???
Me: The blue circle on your cheek.
Him: (blank stare)
Me: It’s a different look. I would have gone for an eagle, or maybe a dolphin, but a circle is good. It’s definitely different.
Him: (stomping off to the bathroom to have a look. After a few seconds he stomps back into the kitchen, an angry face adorns his face) WHO WROTE ON MY FACE???
(Everyone looks at him like he’s grown a second or possibly a third nose.)
Me: Jon, no one has written on your face.
Him: Oh, SOMEONE has!
Me: Come with me and we’ll get it off. (Off we go to bathroom where I work on his cheek with some of my facial cleanser, that’s when I notice the same perfect blue circle on his hand. I point it out to him.) Look, JJ, there’s another of those blue circles. (He looks at his hand.)
Him: WHO IS DOING THIS TO ME???? (This must be how people feel when aliens abduct them; I’d better try to explain it to him)
Me: Obviously you slept on something last night and it transferred onto your skin.
Him: Uh no! The only thing I slept on last night is my bed!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Just another trip to Target

I had to go Target (my favorite store) to get a phone cord so we could watch Breaking Dawn Part II. Direct TV won’t let us just order the movies anymore for some reason, we have to have a phone cord attached, I really hate it.  We can wait for the movie to download, but it takes F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!!
So off I went to Target, only guess what??? Target doesn’t carry phone cords. Seems like they just aren’t in high demand any more. Hmmmm.
I picked up a few other items and headed to the checkout.
The following is the conversation I had with the clerk:

Clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Me: No, I didn’t. I’m afraid I’m going to have to break up with you.
Clerk: (blank stare)
Me: I mean we can still be friends and all, I’m just not gonna get that Target tattoo that I was planning on getting.
Clerk: (crickets chirping)
Me: It’s not you…’s me. No, wait. Scratch that. It is you, it’s totally you. After all, y’all are the store, I mean you’re supposed to have the stuff that I want. And when you don’t it sucks.
Clerk: (rapid eye blinking)
Me: Don’t get me wrong. I love you guys. Target rocks. I love you like I love puffy unicorn stickers. Seriously.
Clerk: Well….I…you know………….
Me: You wanna exchange phone numbers so we can talk about it later?
Clerk: (weird, freaked-out smile)
Me: No? Well, okay then, have a great day!

And off I went in search of a phone cord (HEB had one, go figure!)

Friday, February 15, 2013

I had visitors this morning!

When my kiddos opened our front door this morning to see if it was hot or cold (something they do every morning, this is how they decide what to wear) they were greeted by two great big hairy toothy smelly smiles. Seriously. Two big black Great Pyrenees dogs were there at our door. They were super friendly, super smelly, both had on collars with tracking devices, and both were set on staying.
Hmmmmm..... what to do????
I checked the tags. I didn't recognize the street address but that's nothing new, I don't know most of the streets in the neighborhood. So I called the number. No answer. I left a message, something like "Hey there, my name is Lisa Matthews, I'm over on Glade Street, 1215 to be exact and I have 2 super friendly dogs that want to come back home to you. Call me back, or swing by."
Well, I had to run the kiddos to school so what do I do with the dogs?
I couldn't put them in the back yard with Achilles. So I figured I would put them in the kiddos bathroom for now. I just needed to put the cats away first. But when I opened the front door, Calvin was there wanting to go out.
Calving sees the dogs.
The dogs see Calvin.
Calvin runs back through the house.
The dogs give chase.
Chairs get knocked over.
Sofas get jumped.
Blinds get climbed.
Lamps get broken.
But all ended well.
They weren't "KILL! KILL! KILL!" It was more of a "Oooo! Fun! Something to chase!" Once they had Calvin cornered they stopped, it was like "Well, that was fun, what's next?" Even though they had an opportunity to rip him to shreds.
So I ended up putting them in the garage. I know, I should have put them there in the first place. Don't judge me!
I ran the kids to school. Then looked up the dogs' address in my iPhone and off we went on a walk. It was quite a trek, but we made it.
I rang the doorbell.
And rang the doorbell.
And rang the doorbell.
There was two cars there. But no one was answering the door.
So, I checked the fence, I couldn't see where they got out. I opened the gate and put them back in. I waited a bit. They seemed happy. I set off for my house. I called the owners again, "Hello, it's Lisa Matthews again. I walked the dogs back home and rang the doorbell but it doesn't seem anyone is home. I put the dogs in the backyard. I didn't see any breech. I hope they stay there. Bye."
I walked home, turning down this street and that street, until finally I turned onto Glade Street. I felt like I was being followed.
I turned around.
There they were.
They looked so guilty.
Both of them immediately laid down, head on their paws. I sat down on the curb, trying to decide what to do. There was really only one thing to do.
I stood up, patting my leg, "Come on!" Both dogs bounded over to me. Lets go, you'll hang out with me until your owners come.
I called the owners. "Uh, it's me again. They followed me home. Just come to 1215 Glade Street. That way we know they're safe and sound and not running wild. Bye."
Both dogs happily sat at the gate while I put Achilles inside. Then they made themselves at home in the backyard.
The owners came shortly after that. They were very thankful.
I told them it was no problem, I was glad to do it and that I was just happy they came to dog-friendly house.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Hattiesburg Tornado, February 10, 2013

I have lived in many places, being military we moved around a lot. From the summer of 2009 until the summer of 2012 our family lived in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. It's a beautiful town, with southern charm, families that extend back generations. We made a lot friends there, and it was a difficult decision to leave Hattiesburg once my husband retired. We had actually considered staying there, raising our family there, something my Texas husband had never considered doing EVER- so that in itself says something about Hattiesburg.
On 10 February 2013 destruction came to that beautiful, small town in Mississippi in the form of a tornado.
I have heard from several friends. All are okay. Some have house damage, some have vehicle damage. All are in shock.
My friend Susan, who lives there wrote on her on Facebook wall (and I hope she doesn't mind me borrowing this) "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. Proverbs 18:10 

After witnessing this storm pass right outside our window the ********** are very thankful for our strong tower, our shelter from the storm. Prayers for all those who were not so fortunate!"

Susan once told me "Lisa, you alway have great come-backs, you always know what to say. I wish I did." She was talking about me and my sarcastic come-backs and zingers. Yet, I would trade those "zingers" for her gift of soothing words of encouragement any day. 

Hattiesburg, I pray for you and everyone that is affected by this storm.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

This is why I can't sleep.

Last night I went to bed at a reasonable hour, considering it was a Saturday night and Hannah had a friend staying the night, so three giggling girls swore they were staying up ALL NIGHT LONG. Of course, as soon as I get comfy The Hubs begins to snore. He's tried everything; the strips, the mouth piece, sprays,... the list goes on. Nothing helps.
So I abandoned my bed and headed to The Boy's room. He had asked me earlier "When dad snores can you come crash with me?"
But when I went to his room he wasn't there. Hmmm, he must have gone to Hannah's room. Cool. I get the whole bed to myself! Stretching out, I tried to get comfy, but then my mind started doing what it LOVES to do; Hmmm, I doubt the girls would let him crash out with them. OH MY GOSH, I bet aliens took him. That's it. I know he's not in my bed. And he's not in his bed. And he wouldn't be in KK's bed. So the only reasonable explanation is alien abduction. I mean, what if we all get up in the morning and I stumble into the kitchen for coffee and I'm all "Hey, where's Jon?" and the girls are all, "We don't know" and I'm all "I thought he crashed out with you guys" and they are all "No way, he's a boy!" and I'm all "Holy crap, he's been abducted by aliens!"
So I got out of bed and followed the giggling to Hannah's room, "Hey, is Jon in here?"
"No way!"
I instantly broke out in a cold sweat.
KK pipped up "I know where he is!"
(come on kid, the suspense is killing me!)
"Come on momma, follow me." Then she went to the living room and there was The Boy, crashed out on the couch. So I scooped him up and took him back to his room, and snuggled him, because- let's be honest, he was almost abducted by aliens, and I couldn't get the image of him strapped to a cold metal table with a bright light blinding his eyes, or him zooming through space, lightyears away calling for me. Ugh, horrible, just horrible.
Yea, you try sleeping when you have those imaging flashing through your mind of your kiddo.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

No I'm not turning into one of those crazy ladies who paints their cat's nails, this was done out of necessity.

Last week we got a leather couch, we have always had fabric couches, and we have never really freaked out when the cats clawed them. Shame on us.
So with the arrival of this nice couch that had to change.
As soon as the couch arrived 'Rabi ran into the living room, a smile literally spreading onto her furry little face, you could just tell she was saying "For me? Really? It's the biggest scratching post I've ever had! Here, let me try it out!"
And she did.
And we freaked.
She looked at us like "What's your deal? You get me this cool scratching post and then expect me not to use it? Pffft!"
So I searched the internet trying to see what we could do, we don't want to declaw the cats.
We came across "Soft Paws". So we tried them out. It took 4 days, 4 DAYS!!!! to get these on 'Rabi. She hates being held to get loved on, forget being held so that you can clip her nails and shove nail covers on claws.
But it was finally done.
What do you think:
And yes, she typically lays in chip box. Apparently it's comfy.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Jon's day!!!

Today is The Boy's birthday. He's 9.
We spent the weekend doing stuff he liked doing: Saturday The Hubs took him to Zero Dark Thirty per his request, he loved it. Then yesterday I took him and his sisters to the carnival that was set up in the mall's parking lot here him town. He rode (nearly) every ride, then proceeded to down a footlong corn dog, a funnel cake, a large pop corn, topped off with a large coke. Then said "when are we having lunch?" Huh?
After the carnival we headed to Toys R Us where he drug me down every-single-aisle-in-that-blessed-store-and-then-down-every-aisle-all-over-again before saying "I think I wanna go to Target." Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place.
Target is my favorite place in the whole entire universe.
So that's where we found ourselves, trying on Marvel comic masks while he tried to decide what to buy with his birthday money from his grandparents.
Here are some pics from the shopping trip:

I think the last one is my favorite, the teeth crack me up. That coupled with KK's eyes that say "I hope that a nice stranger comes along and saves me from this torture!" 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


I am not posting that much anymore.
I have lots to write about, trust me- it all bombards me about midnight when I lay down.
And I think to myself "I'm totally gonna write about that tomorrow!" Then the next morning I'm like "Hey, I'm gonna play that new Dream Chronicles game I downloaded ALL DAY LONG. Wait, wasn't there something I was gonna do? Doesn't matter!" Then I go to bed and think "Crap, I did it again!"

Oh, well, NEW YEAR!!!! NEW ME!!!

2012 was crazy. We saw lots of changes. Goodbye Army life, hello civilian life. And trust me, it's different. I'm glad we had that last tour at Camp Shelby so it got us used to not depending so much on the military, because once you are out of the military then government acts like you are the step-child that it never liked in the first place.

We have moved to Texas and love that we are close to family again. Calvin has introduced himself to all the neighbors in his usually style, you know- "Hey you, yea you, see all this stuff here? This stuff right here? It was yours? I say WAS, it's mine now. Yea, I know that technically it's your house and all, but I'd appreciate it if you hear me at the door if you'd go ahead and let me in. I like to change things up a bit, sleep over here one night, over there one night. Resistance is futile." The neighbors seem to tolerate him so far.

The kids are doing great. They love have big classrooms WITH SO MANY KIDS IN EACH ROOM!!!! It really was a culture shock for them.

Ok, so now that all that's out of the way go watch THIS and laugh until you cry (you may want to skip until about 1:10 for this real hilarity to begin, but trust me it's worth it!).