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Thursday, August 4, 2011

I Freakin' Hate Spiders!

Yesterday the kids were all playing and keeping themselves busy so I thought it was the perfect time to escape for a nice hot bath.
I ran the water and stepped in. Now in my defense I usually ALWAYS check the tub out in case of creep crawlies (my kids love to "save" lizards and beetles) or in case Calvin the Cat  has decided to track muddy paws in there. For some reason (I'll just say "mental exhaustion") I didn't do that this time. I just stepped right on in and sat down.
And that's when I saw IT! I big ol' spider floating on the water and he was coming right for me. I let out a blood curdling scream, followed by several more short bursts of screams. I got out, grabbed an empty toilet paper roller from the trashcan to fish him out so I could squish him. Only when I put the roller near him he grabbed ahold and then hauled ass up it and onto my hand which resulted in several more screams. I finally shook him loose and killed it, then squished him a few more times just to make good and sure it was dead, dead, dead. Then I scooped him up and deposited his dead, lifeless body in the trash and got back in the tub.
As soon as I had submerged myself again the two girls opened the door with wide eyes and asked what was going on. My girls are even bigger arachnophobes than me, so telling them that a spider had tried to attack me and drown me was in the tub I had to think fast, realizing that my screams sounded like they were more fitting in a jungle I formed my lie cover-up story that was necessary if I was ever going to get them to take a bath without a fear that a spider would be visiting them in the tub.
Me: Oh I was just practicing my wild monkey calls.
The girls stood there for a moments, totally bewildered, you could tell the oldest was thinking "WTF!?!"
Then the 5 year old said: Wow, mommy! You do that VERY well!
And with that the were gone, probably to go play Wild Kingdom or National Geographic Explorer.