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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Take a Number and Get in Line

Last night, after a long day of running around with the kids, sweating profusely at the batting cages so Jon could get a few rounds in, and then battling with all three kids over which Father’s Day card they all could agree on (big, fat chance there) I gave in and decided to have a soak in the tub. This requires time (alone preferably) in the bathroom, and we all know how that goes (click here for a refresher).
Before I even stepped foot in the steaming hot water the kids started yelling out that they wanted to play Little Big Planet on the PlayStation 3. This is a mommy approved game and is A-okay for the kids to play here in this house. Sure it generally ends in the 5 year old screaming and yelling that the older two won’t wait up for her character and she gets angry and stops playing but I just wanted a few minutes of alone time. I yelled out for them to “Play away!” (actual words used) and lowered myself into the hot water to relax.
Approximately 72 seconds later I heard Jon hollering for my help which just wasn’t going to happen. “Momma, I need you!” I heard him yell, and could tell he was coming down the hall since his voice was getting louder. “Never mind!” He said – now his voice was just outside the door. “There’s a line to get in the bathroom.”
Huh? What’s that all about? I stayed as still as possible and could clearly hear the girls in the livingroom, so who could he possibly be talking about? Was there some kind of mass murderer lurking outside my bathroom door ready to pounce as soon as I opened the door? There goes my relaxed state, now every muscle in my body was tensed up.
“Hello?” I called out. Nothing.  Not even my kids answered me. By now I could hear them playing Little Big Planet. So whoever this mass murderer who was lurking outside my door he wasn’t out to kill my kids. That was a relief.
I got out of the tub, kind of irked that my bubble bath was shot but more worried that my kids may stumble upon my dead, lifeless body after they finish playing their video game and decide that they want something to eat and wonder just where is that woman who claims to be their mom and is supposed to furnish them with food?
I grabbed my can of hairspray since I don’t have mace in my medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I figure I’ll spray the creep’s eyes with Aussie MegaHold Hairspray and make a run for Jon’s bat bag where I’ll arm myself with his new Easton Surge and proceed to beat down the perp.
But when I yanked open the door ready to spray away no one was there. Then I heard a “Mew” and looked down. Guess who?

I went in the living room and asked Jon what he meant by his comment about the line for the bathroom, just in case there was a murderer in the house somewhere and he was just hiding out.
Aggrivated that I interrupted his game he hit the pause button and said “Calvin was in line first. I didn’t want to wait in line behind a cat.”
Good point, pal.