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Monday, April 9, 2012

I saw my doctor today, I think that as soon as he sees me he leaves his office and goes and sees his therapist. Seriously.


Doc: Hey, Ms. Matthews. How are you today?
Me: Dying.
Doc: Still? Seems like that’s been going on for a while.
Me: Get your chuckles in now, doc, I'll be pushing up daisies soon.
Doc: Well, that's a shame. So how are the headaches?
Me: I need a CT Scan.
Doc: No.
Me: It wasn’t a request.
Doc: You really don’t need one.
Me: I’m telling you; something isn’t right in my head.
Doc: Well, we can agree on that.
Me: Oh, good one, Howie Mandel, now do your job and fix me.
Doc: You have migraines; you’re just prone to them, sorry. The meds you are on should help alleviate the worst of them.
Me: I’m also going through early menopause.
Doc: No you’re not.
Me: How do you know? You haven’t even heard any of my symptoms!
Doc: Okay, tell me why you think you are going through menopause.
Me: I’m horribly cranky all the time.
Doc: That’s just you.
Me: Haha.
Doc: And?
Me: I’m bloated.
Doc: No, you need to diet and start exercising.
Me: Well, thanks for not coming right out and calling me fat.
Doc: Any other "symptoms"?
Me: YES! I’m having hot flashes.
Doc: No, you’re just mad at me and getting frustrated.
Me: ***squinting my eyes at him***
Doc: What are you doing?
Me: Putting a voodoo hex on you.
Doc: Serious?
Me: Serious!
Doc: ***squinting at me***
Me: Oh no you didn’t!!!
Doc: Oh yes I did!
Me: I feel a migraine coming on.
Doc: Then my hex is working already.
Me: You just broke your Hippocratic oath!
Doc: **smiling widely** Anything else I can do for you today, Ms. Matthews?
Me: Order me a CT Scan????
Doc: Nope.
Me: Fine, then just refill my ‘scripts.
Doc: Happy to do it! (turns to his computers and taps away, then turns back to me) Okay, you're all set. You have a great day! 
Me: Not so fast, undo your hex.
Doc: You undo yours first.
Me: We'll do it at the same time!
Doc: Deal.

And in perfect timing with me he blinked his eyes twice. This is why I love this guy.

For the record, I have never had a doctor this awesome, and I doubt I will ever find one quite like this one!